By Maureen Thayer
I thought Iíd lost him.  I thought I had lost Rollie.  When I saw those bullets hit him, the blood spraying everywhere, then watched as his body fell over the balcony, it was more than I could take.  I lost it.  I totally lost it.  Iíve never been a woman who went into hysterics, but seeing Rollie Ďdieí sent me over the edge.  If it hadnít been for Leo, Iíd have completely fallen apart.  For those few minutes, I felt as if a part of my heart had been ripped to shreds.

I cannot describe the relief and joy I felt when I looked over the balcony and saw Rollie alive.  It was the most beautiful sight in the world to me.  He had used his genius in special effects yet again and fooled even me this time.  Iíd probably get on him for putting such a scare into me if it wasnít for the fact that I donít want him to know how much it hurt and how I fell apart when I thought he was dead.  Thanks to Leoís remark, Rollie already knows that I was a lot less than in control during those moments, but thatís different than if he found out from me what happened.  I donít know how he would react.  I donít want him getting all mushy.

Iíve always tried to stay in control, remain cool.  With most things, I succeed, but when it comes to Rollie, my emotions go all over the place.  Sometimes, I get so mad at him.  He can be infuriating.  But other times. . . .  Other times, heís my best friend.  I just delight in teasing him.  I couldnít resist calling him studmuffin after Lisaís blatant attempt to get him into bed.  I mean, could the woman have been any more obvious?  Jeez!  And the way Rollie looked at her.  Men are such idiots.  And then when I found that cup with the lipstick on it at the loft. . . .  No, I was not jealous!  Thatís ridiculous.  Why would I be jealous if Rollie got involved with a woman?  Iíve known him since I was a kid.  Heís almost like a big brother to me.  Well, not really, but he is like family, the only family I have.  No, it was not jealousy, it was . . . was. . . .  Okay, I donít know what it was, but I know it was not jealousy.  End of discussion.

So, Rollieís name has been cleared, the bad guys have been caught, and we can get back to doing our job.  I really wish that Rollie could stay out of trouble and away from police cases.  He seems to spend as much time working with--or running from--the cops as he spends doing his job.  One of these days, Iím afraid that it will get him killed, like I thought had happened today.

But it didnít happen today.  Rollieís a little battered, but heís going to be fine. Iím going to be fine.  I didnít lose him.  Thank God.

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